Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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