I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize