my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Boobs are out for the taking
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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