I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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