so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
