I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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