The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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