Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
