Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it because I queefed?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
