I wanna bring you to show and tell
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Two words: blizzard sex
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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