I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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