Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
