What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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