you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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