Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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