At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is Oprah even human
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
