Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize