i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pants are for mortals
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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