I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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