when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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