Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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