ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's JV to your varsity
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.