I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so let's talk penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING