foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.