You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's how pantless uber rides happen