Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom