I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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