i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
