when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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