But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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