you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize