We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
