he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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