Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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