How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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