Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize