i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
