Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?