we have officially lost it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.