You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?