THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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