I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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