That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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