if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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