If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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