Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
