Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
