You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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