it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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