Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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