Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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