she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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