I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
