I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him