That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends