I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.