Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?