hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery