I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
